pull me a little closer

*names abbreviated for the sake of anonymity 🙂

This month in Malaysia I had the blessing of working in a school for students with special needs. It’s a happy school with five classrooms, each filled with about 6 – 12 students in blue uniforms. Every morning they would wait for us at the gate to let us in, and when we arrived, they would smile and give out high-fives and call out “Hi, teacher Annie!”. It was a true gift from God, bringing me both comfort and familiarity and allowing me to grow in new ways. I was blessed to get the opportunity to build relationships with the students and teachers and love on them three mornings a week, but God also blessed me so so much in return.

The students at the school have a great variety of diagnoses that range in severity. Each one of them is unique in the ways they feel loved and safe and how they connect with people. Ann loves to hold hands and to tell you what to do next, Aqi loves high fives and having silly conversations in Bahasa Malay, Nor finds great joy in hide and seek and finding leaves in the yard and Josh feels safe being held tight and rocked back and forth. I found so much joy learning as much as I could about each of them and their personalities and strengths. 

Yu was a little boy that I noticed from the very beginning. He looked around the age of 7 and often sat over by himself, staring into the sky and fluttering his hands around. I felt God’s push to connect with him, and so, from the beginning of my time there, I started to try different ways to interact with him. High fives, hugs, smiles, kind words, back scratches, holding hands, sports and dancing were just a few of the things I tried that usually ended with him gently moving to a new place to be alone again. One sunny day I did learn that he absolutely loved his shadow, so our shadows jumped and danced around together, but our connection never went much further than that and I definitely didn’t want to push too much. I prayed that he would feel God’s love and pursuit and that he would be so blessed. 

On our last morning at the school on Thursday, I was journaling and talking to God before going to ministry. I asked Him, “Father, what do you say about today? What should I look for?”. And He told me, “love them as if you were caring for me and see how they love you like I do. my love for you will shine through them.” Wow. Ok. So when I walked in the gates of the school for the last time, I asked God for opportunities to show these kids His love and for Him to reveal more of His love for me.

Within the first 30 minutes of being at the school, I was sitting on a curb looking around and soaking in all of the smiling faces I had grown so fond of. I was already tearing up at the thought of telling the sweet kiddos goodbye, when my eyes landed on Yu. He was sitting off to the side like normal, gazing up at the sky and fingers twiddling back and forth, when suddenly, his eyes locked with mine. My heart stopped. This was the first time we had made real eye contact and I watched as he got up slowly and started making his way over to me, arms stretched straight out in front of him. He bent down, placed his hands gently on either side of my face, and began pulling me closer and closer. With our faces less than an inch apart and our noses nearly touching, he burst into the biggest smile I had seen from him all month. Immediately I was reminded of God saying, “my love for you will shine through them” and I was overcome with the reality of the vastness of God’s love for me. It was as if God Himself was gently taking my face in His hands and pulling me ever closer to Him. My eyes brimmed with tears and I beamed back at Yu. Placing my hands on his I prayed he would feel God’s love in the same way. We sat there for quite some time, all the while not breaking eye contact, and I thanked God for His sweet intentionality and His tender care. I thanked Him for His love for me, for His love for Yu and for giving us this sweet moment together.

God revealed more of His love for me through the gentle touch of a 7-year-old Malaysian boy named Yu. He blessed me with a connection and a memory I will not easily forget and reminded me of the creative ways He works. I came into the World Race thinking that I would share the love of God with others; that I would preach and heal and evangelize and pray and save as many as possible. I’m finding, though, that while God really wants to do those things, He also really wants to reveal more and more of His love for me personally. I feel almost selfish saying it and sharing it with you all. Almost like I’m missing the mark or not doing enough, which will probably be another blog for another time. But, nothing is more important than a greater universal understanding of God’s love. He continues to draw me in deeper and deeper so that I can then share that revelation of love with others. If you keep your eyes open for God’s love, He will absolutely reveal it to you (sometimes in the most unexpected ways). I pray that in the coming days and weeks, your eyes would be opened to the unique love that God has for you. That He would take your face in His hands and draw you ever closer to Him. 

Much love and many blessings,

Annie