The Promised Land

Hello friends and family!

I feel like every time I come to write a blog I am shocked at how much time has passed since the last one I wrote. I am also shocked that we are rounding the corner on month nine of the race, leaving only a few short months before I will be back in the U.S. (holy moly). Man has this year been full of so much growth and so many blessings.

Something that I have realized recently is that it has been a long time since I have shared the things that the Lord has been walking me through personally. It’s easier to post blogs about the day-to-day activities and what we have been doing in each country rather than diving deep into the lessons I’m learning with the Lord. Partly because these lessons have been hard-learned and pretty personal, but also partly because I tend to want to keep up a facade of perfection (hehe classic). BUT, the Lord has been nudging me to share a little bit of the reality of what the last few months have looked like and the beautiful things He is teaching me in the midst of it all.

For a while now, I have been reading through the Old Testament and, man, how sweet it has been. I love the stories of God and His faithfulness, His mercy, His grace, His covenant with His beloved.

One of the stories that the Lord has been highlighting to me over the past few months is the story of the Israelites and their journey to the Promised Land. I believe, for us in the current day, the Promised Land can symbolize many things. For me, the Lord has been revealing that my “Promised Land” is living in abundance with Him (a “rich land flowing with milk and honey” Numbers 14:8). It’s living in full freedom, unaffected by the lies of the enemy, fully accepting my identity as His beloved daughter. It’s the closest thing to returning to Eden in a fallen world – freely communing with the Heavenly Father and walking in the victory that He offers to each and every one of us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Here’s the thing about the Promised Land – the Lord doesn’t say that there won’t be battles. In fact, after the Israelites cross over the Jordan River into the Promised Land, they are met with many battles they have to endure (Jericho, Ai, Amorites, etc.) The only difference is that with each battle they came to face, the Lord said, “do not be afraid, I have given you victory over them”. The land “flowing with milk and honey” was one where they got to walk forth in confidence knowing who their God was; knowing that He would provide for them, protect them, love them and cause them to be victorious in all that was His will. This “Promised Land” is a promise I believe God offers to each of His children. And it’s a promise that I have had the gift of experiencing since re-meeting the Lord in 2017.

I remember life when I was wandering in the wilderness. When I wasn’t sure if I would win the battles against the enemy. When life was dry and desolate and I believed the lies that were fed to me about not being enough and not being worthy. This was life for me before that encounter with the Lord in 2017. Don’t get me wrong – life in the wilderness can be a beautiful thing. The Israelites walked in full dependence on the Lord and they encountered God in incredibly miraculous ways (He provided them manna every day for heck’s sake!). But the wilderness was not God’s promise to them, it was the journey to get to the promise. I knew God in incredible, miraculous, providential ways in my time in the “wilderness” but nothing can compare to living in the Promised Land, fully accepting His abundance, His truth, His victory. 

The best way I know how to describe the past few months of the race for me is that I chose to leave my “Promised Land” with the Lord, cross back over the Jordan River and wander around in the wilderness. I wish I could narrow it down to one event or circumstance that caused me to do this but the truth is, I cannot. The enemy is sneaky and he comes to steal, kill and destroy. Believing one lie turned into another which turned into another. And each lie brought about different coping mechanisms and fear and distrust in myself and the Lord. In the midst of being raised up to help lead my squad, covid and quarantine craziness, I found myself in the driest, most desolate place I had been in a long time. And the worst part was, it was my choice. It wasn’t really my circumstances, or the pressure of perfection, or any specific thing, it was my deliberate choice to believe the lies of the enemy. I know the truth. I have spent years fighting to believe the truth of who God says that I am. And yet, I slowly but surely forgot who I was in Christ and the promises and the goodness He provides me with, and I found myself in a full blown relapse of old behavior and thought life.

In Honduras, up on that mountainside before all of this happened, a friend of mine gave me a word about an upcoming desert season. He talked about a camel walking through a desert, speaking into the camel’s ability to carry water and refreshment through the dry season. I remember thinking to myself then, “huh. I wonder what the desert is that I’m about to walk through?” It was a little less than 2 months later I realized, not only was I in that desert season, I had chosen to be there. And I had to get out.

The funny, and honestly unexpected, thing about the Promised Land is that it can be scary to crossover into it. We see this in Numbers 13 when the Israelite scouts go out and explore the land flowing with milk and honey. 10 of the 12 scouts come back and agree that, yes, the land is bountiful, but they rebel and refuse to go because of fear of the battles they will have to endure to take the land that God promised to them. They are afraid of the enemy even though they are already victorious.

They were so caught up in the size of their enemies rather than the vastness of their God.

How many times do I do this in my own life? God has already won the victory, in every single way, and yet I sometimes choose to cower away from battles for fear that I might lose. I choose to stay where it is “safe”.

As a result of their fear, disobedience and distrust, this generation of Israelites never got to see the Promised Land and instead they wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years.

What am I missing out on because of my fear, disobedience and distrust? 

I believe we have the choice to enter into the Promised Land with the Lord or not. To step into the land flowing with milk and honey and receive the freedom, victory and intimacy with God or to deny ourselves this gift. The Israelites refusal to enter into the Promised Land did not make them any less God’s chosen people. The Lord was disappointed and hurt, He had to punish them, but they were still His beloved children. We are faced with this decision daily. Do we lay down our fear, our distrust, our shame, our self-doubt and cross the Jordan River? Do we walk forth in victory, fully trusting that every battle is already won? As His beloved children and chosen people, do we step further into the freedom and blessing He has for us? Or do we choose to stay where it is safe and miss out on the fullness of relationship with the Lord?

Over the past month and a half or so, I have been making my way back into the Promised Land. And let me tell you, it has not been easy. It’s taken confession, sacrifice, laying down my pride, letting go of my sinful comforts, confronting my fears, giving up control and giving everything to God. It has taken me facing the enemy head on and trusting that God will win the battle for me. There have been times where the enemy’s voice feels loud and the battle feels too big and yet every. single. time. my God is victorious. It’s taken speaking truth over myself and allowing others to speak truth over me (Philippians 4:8, Colossians 3:12-17, Romans 8:5-6, 2 Timothy 1:7, Proverbs 4:20-22 and Romans 12:2 have been verses I have been clinging to). It’s required a lot of grace and self-forgiveness, and laying down the shame that is not mine to carry (that has, honestly, been one of the hardest parts) but man have I been learning a whole heck of a lot.

Let me tell you, when you spend too much time in the desert, the “land flowing with milk and honey” tastes a whole lot sweeter. Victory, freedom and truth feel euphoric and almost too good to be true. And the beauty is, these are things the Lord offers to His children for free! Cue the song, “I can’t believe how good the Lord is”. We are His children and how dearly He loves us. 

It’s times when I walk through seasons like this that I am even more eager to share in the goodness that the Lord offers His people. No burden is too big, no battle too bleak, no lie He can’t replace with truth.

As I cross from my wilderness, over the Jordan River and into my Promised Land with the Lord, I hope that I can make a way for others to join me too one day.

“Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.” (Jeremiah 51:11)

Much love and many blessings,
Annie